Thoughts

     Sometimes we can lose ourselves in the light. Sometimes its all to easy to go along with the day not thinking not making an effort. Do this do that pass by on the seat of our pants. We watch inspirational movies listen to speeches and get motivated for a day or two before we lose it and fall back into what was there before.

     I think sometimes I forget that and I follow the rest but I want to break away but what keeps me tied down more then boredom or laziness of whatever could happen is fear. Fear of being so great that others will look to me for help. Fear that with great power, I will fail

A quite tragedy, To the unnamed boy

To the unnamed boy,

You don’t know I exist in fact, I wonder sometimes if you know you exist.

 You are the one I pass in the day that makes my heart flutter.

I am the one at night that you will never think of.

You are the one that hurts me unknowingly as she hangs on your arm.

You will go your whole life not knowing how I feel about you.

Because you are just a boy!

A boy not a man!

Because a man will be the one that knows himself!

Who lets my heart soar and I make his race!

He will be the one I dream of at night!

That man will be the one who approaches me making his intentions clear!

That man will always know how I feel and I him!

But my dear boy,

For now there is no man,

Just you.

Because you are the one that makes me smile.

You are the one that makes me cry.

And you will go on in life never knowing how I feel.

But that’s ok!

Because I might just be a girl.

I might be the one that makes you hope as I walk by who you can’t be clam around.

The one who you laugh at as I talk and breaks your heart as I love.

For you I will never be a woman!

For she will be the one you lay beside in peace!

She will be the one who never stops your laughter and brings you all joy!

She will always be yours and you will know how she feels!

But for now,

For now I'm just a girl,

There is no woman.

Because I'm the one that makes you smile.

I'm the one that will make you cry.

And somehow I will go through life never knowing how you feel.

But that’s ok!

Because someday you will find your woman and me my man!

And we will part this in this life,

Hopefully happy,

Never knowing about the quiet tragedy the other lived. 

Fighting. It’s what she lived for.

Fighting. It’s what she lived for. No one could beat her. She was invincible.

“Down goes another.”

“KO.”

“Kill.”

It didn’t matter the situation, the opponent, she always won. The blood on her hands was endless and dark as her name. She didn’t care anymore she was numb. 

“I put 15 on Red.”

“25.”

“170!”

She was a tool and she accepted it long ago. So, she lived for the fight for the thrill of the hit and the sound of the crowd around her. She lived for the light that only came to her in her darkest hours, when they let her out of her cell and she was sent to hurt and kill. It amused her sometimes. She could remember a time, faintly, long before all this started. When she was told, what she did now was wrong, when she had been so scared of the dark and of the pain. Then, back then, she would have called herself a murderer, killer. Now, she was just surviving. No win no meal. That was their rule.

So that day when he had suddenly entered her life she didn’t know how to respond. He was brought before her like all the rest. Yet he was different.

“This one is the last one.” The scruffy voice of her faceless captor whispered.

Confusion

“If you beat this one you are free.”

“-W-h-at?”  her voice hoarse form lack of use. When was the last time she had used it?

“They want him gone girl. You finish this one and you are free.” She looks at the being that she has come to know as her one lifeline to the world. A man so demented it showed on his outward appearance. Could he be serious? She looks back at the man in front of her. He seems harmless. He doesn’t have much muscle but he isn’t weak.  He stands in a stance of submission. not fear or anger, like most. What could a man like that have done to deserve this punishment? Still, the question doesn’t matter ,because this man is her ticket to freedom. So, she disconnects like always and watches from afar as her life changes. The rush of the fight fills her and she strikes.

He stands before her not flinching as she comes. He is calm and almost sad. In fact as he looks at her she feels pity flowing from him. It almost makes her hesitate but then the first punch hits and it signs his death. He takes each hit without fighting back. She can feel as his bones crunch beneath her. His hands cracking under her foot. His ankles breaking with her kick. And with each hit more blood covers her hands.

Guilt should be her companion.

Yet, she feels relief.

The blood is everywhere now and she can faintly hear the sounds of the crowd around her but in this moment there is only him and her. The last punch is coming she can feel it and he knows it. His battered and bruised face looks up at her as if giving her permission and like a viper, she strikes.

                The crack of his neck brings her back to the present. It’s then she notices the blood around her, on her. It’s then that the noise of the crowd is too great. For she just killed an innocent man! He lies before her in almost the same place he started. The only thing that moved him was the force of each of her hits. Her lifeline, the demon, comes to her, grabbing her from behind and she flinches away from his suddenly sheering touch.

“You are done now you are free.” The words coming from his mouth sound venomous and wrong. Yet, she takes her leave but once she leaves the ring, she is lost. Where should she go? When was the last time she wandered alone? As she makes her way blindly through the crowd, she can’t help but notice that they haven’t moved the man. In fact, they seem to do not intend to do so. Instead, they stand around celebrating and laughing. Their smiles are sharp as knifes.

She doesn’t know when they leave or why she didn’t. But eventually the place, her prison, is empty and she is left alone with the rotting body of the man. She can’t help but be drawn to him as she steps gingerly onto the mat. As she approaches the man, the feelings inside her fill up. The pain from her grief and confusion, overwhelm her and she cries out in strife. Kicking the man, she falls to her knees, hearing again the sickening sound of bones breaking a thing that once gave her a thrill.

Her tears fall, mixing with the blood below.

“I'm sorry!” she cries to the darkness. “I'm sorry.” For what she doesn’t know. How can you pinpoint one sin in a sea of evil? It takes her some time before she begins to realize a change in her surroundings. Through her blurry eyes, she looks around, realizing that the ground bellow has changed. The blood flows around her in a mixture of water and tears. Surprised, she looks up. There before her, flowing from the new gash in the man’s body runs a river of water. It flows around her, washing away the blood. Is this normal, she wonders. She has never seen the bodies after they are taken. But something inside her tells her it's not. Something tells her that this was especial made just for her. She can only stare in awe as it cleans away everything. Joy fills her and she throws herself into the river, watching amazed as her cloths are cleaned.

She doesn’t know how long she lays there or when she is finally clean but eventually she sits up, water dripping from her hair. How long has it been that color, was it always that way and when did she forget the true hue of her skin?

She does not register the sound of footsteps until they are mere inches from her. She looks up shocked and slightly scared, afraid that her captor has come for her but she is surprised to see a stranger before her. His white cloths are almost blinding and she wonders absently how he keeps them that way. The man’s presence is both comforting and frightening.

“What do you want?” She asks. He stares at her for a while, smiling as if he considers her question amusing. His gaze is disconcerting and she can’t help but shake before him.

“Do not be afraid,” he says, his voice is like the booming of thunder, she decides, but it is not frightening. She asks him again his purpose and he smiles gently at her, gesturing to the man. She looks over surprised, having forgot for a moment about the body beside her. As she stares at it, she find that she is no longer afraid of it.

“Why?” it seems like a good question, though she feels silly asking it.

“It’s time for him to go home.” The answer makes sense to her, though she knows it shouldn’t. She nods to him in understanding and he gives her a hand. She does not hesitate or shrink away from it like she would have before and together he helps her up. They walk to the man each one on their own side and gently grab him. She helps the man take the body, laying it in his arms. After he is situated, the man turns to leave.

“Where will you take him?” she asks, stopping him as he is about to pass through the threshold. The man turns to her and gives her a gentle smile.

“To freedom,” he says simply. He turns to leave again

“Wait!” she shouts and he stops again. As he watches her carefully she feels nerves take over. Timidly, she steps forward. “May I come as well. I'm lost and do not know the way.” It is silent for a moment, than the sound of ringing bells fills the air. She soon realizes that it comes from the man, he is laughing. She feels shame take over and tries to hide the tears in her eyes.

“Little one,” the man says finally, his voice soft. She feels a hand on her chin. She never realized that he had moved but there he was in front of her. “Do not cry or fret. I laugh because I thought you knew.”

“Knew what?” she asks softly.

“There is no need to ask. The door is always open for those who knock, who seek.”  

“But sir,” she says, confused. “I could never find the way.” The man smiles gently down at her.

“That is why I sent him.” She looks to the body in the man’s arms. It makes since then and she looks to the man, smiling back. He gently holds out his hand for her to take, carefully balancing the body in his arms. She takes it gratefully and follows him as she leads her through the door.

Freedom was different then she remembers but so much better then she knows it once was.

. 

New Age

I raise my flags, don my clothes
                   The cold night air of the wasteland cut through his cloths and whipped in his hair. He pulled his jacket closer to him and tucked the red flag deeper into the crease of his arm. He could see the faint glow of the Hut in the distance. He was almost there. He smiled slightly at the thought. He couldn't wait to see her. The women of his dreams was waiting for him there.

It's a revolution, I suppose
                   Three years. Three years the world had been fighting and now they would make their ultimate move. It wasn’t their fault. They weren’t the ones who chose to live they life they were condemned to. Fate had chosen them it seemed and now fate made them fight. There was no way out. Now they all suffered

We're painted red to fit right in
Whoa
                   As he drew closer to the Hut he stepped lightly over bodies and derby. The ground around him was littered with them. His worlds, his cloths, were painted red like his flag. He couldn't help the chuckle that spread when he thought of the rust red that surrounded him. It reminded him of his beloved. Of everything they had been through and more.

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
                   The bodies below his feet where old and decaying having died long ago. They were left to show dishonor. The prisoners around him had been nothing more then hired meet that escaped the nearby jail. Sent to fight as a punishment for their crimes in a battle they would never win. Compared to him and his kind they were nothing. They were weak he was strong. As if to prove his point, the wind picked up and blew the loose piece of fabric he called a shirt around him to reveal his toned and fatal body.

This is it, the apocalypse
Whoa
                   Apocalypse that is what they had called it, though no one would have thought that it would happen this way. Human vs. “human” the stronger would survive.  And he planned to be the winning side.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
                   When he thought back to that day that changed it all, he could remember the chill in the air. There had been something, though he couldn’t tell what at that time, that had chilled him to the bone. It wasn’t until later in the day that he realize what was going on.

Enough to make my systems blow
                   They had been told that they were in danger. Their government had made to many enemies. People had always said that nuclear war would be the beginning of the end but they had no idea. The bombs blew up in Denver first and nature did the rest, the wind and rain spreading the radioactive partials.

Welcome to the new age, to the new age
                   Those who survived the initial death and diseases that rid the land found themselves changing. This was not the last time or place where it would happen. Five more bombs, somewhere in Canada, Mexico, South America, Greenland, and Japan, all are reaping the same results. Now the humans were two species, the plain, and the changed.

Welcome to the new age, to the new age
                   So for everyone it was the beginning of the end. The changes were gradual at first then dramatic. Unlike in the movies where people mutated and grew claws and fur the results were far worse. Physical change was not uncommon. Those who were mutated, changed, often grew in size and mass. An average changed child could lift 100 pound with their pinky finger. They were super human.

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

Those who got the most dosages were the ones most affected. Physical changes were normal for all the changed but mental changes only occurred in those closest to the initial shock. The ones that the changed now affectionately called Radiominds had IQ’s of 200 pulse. They were the ones who lead the revolution.

Whoa, whoa, I'm radioactive, radioactive

That wasn’t all. There were others who were feared among the plain. The ones who were truly Radioactive, as the term went, were the ones to be feared. The normal changed often found themselves with little brainpower but great strength. The Radiominds found themselves with genius intelligence but not much mussel. But the Radioactive they had it all. These people often looked like the movies predicted. With 250 plus IQ’s and bodies of gods, they presented a threat. Not only that, but many Radioactives’ grew with extra arms or legs after the changing process, mutating farther than most. Some even sprouted wings in their backs, which were leathery and bonny. These were the ones that the plain feared, these where their demise on the battlefield.

All systems go, the sun hasn't died

He was only feet away from the Hut when the sun began to peek from behind the horizon painting a majestic picture. He turned to it, closing his eyes, soaking in its warmth. The sun was a rare thing in his neck of Alaska and each day with it was a blessing. Slowly he stretched out the leathery wings on his back, allowing them to relax and extend to their full with, soaking in the sun.

Deep in my bones, straight from inside

 He heard the door open behind him but he didn't turn.

     "It's time," said the voice beside him and he nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. The girl stepped up beside him and watched his face with a gentle look. She presented a kind smile to him that made his heart skip. He observed her from the corner of his vision, keeping an eye on horizon. She was beautiful. Her deep red hair played tricks on his sight as it blew and flickered in the early morning sun. She had the natural beauty that had become a thing associated to Radiominds.

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones

"I can feel it. Can't you? There is something in the air today. Maybe it will finally end. Spot says that they are coming around the hill and should be here by midday. Maze Fire is preparing the troops. This will be our last battle, maybe even the last battle. Radar got in touch with Spark. 17th unit should be done fighting soon," she paused in her ranting, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. He glanced at her watching, her throw back her head and soak in the sun. "I can't believe it’s finally over, after all this time. You know Meg's cried herself to sleep last night. I feel bad for her. After all, tomorrow she will be fighting her own kind, possibly even her family. I guess that the price you pay when you side with freedom." She opened her eyes again in time to watch the sun make it past the horizon.

 
Enough to make my systems blow
            "When it's all over, what do you think will happen? We have a lot to rebuild. I'm already drawing up some sketches but I'm still nerves. Today is the day you know." and he did know. He had been waiting for this day for a long time. He could feel it again, it chilled his bones just like last time but this time he was ready. This time he would win. He turned to the girl beside him and gently placed a hand on her stomach where his future, their future lay. The joy was there, the feeling was there inside her. Today would be the end, tomorrow would be the beginning.
      "Go back inside." he said, his deep voice made the air seem to shake. "Tomorrow's a big day. Let the doctor take care of you. I promise I will be back in time to see our son born." She smiled up at him and nodded, turning back to the Hut and slipping inside. He breathed in the cool morning air and smiled.
Welcome to the new age

(Song writes belong to Imagine Dragons. I only wrote the story)

Moving away

Remember that we are moving away                     sister

From the petty rivalries

From the common understanding

I will leave you behind

Things will change, begin and start anew

Your laughter will be far off

Our time will be short

I feel as though you might resent me

For I must go

But I will never resent you

I am ready to spread my wings

Leave you behind

But I cant bare it at the same time

Will you still listen to my advice

Now that you are moving to

In someways your change is as great as mine

New friends and a new world

You must enter it without me

I still see you as you were

Your child like innocence and joy

The way you used to play and communicate

But you have changed

It hurts me and bothers you, but I will never stop seeing you that way

When I move away                         sister

Will you still call

Will you still shove me aside

Can you listen to me

Can I listen to you

We are moving away                      sister

The distance between is greater

But I still hope

Our hearts will be closer

Memories

The second anniversary of the Thailand tsunami and the thoughts of the survivors.

            They place flowers on the graves. Some big some small some are more expensive or more extravagant. The flowers represent the people gathered at the graveyard. Each one comes from a different life a different place. Some people here are friends or acquaintances. Others are bosses or workers. Strangers mingle together with tears in their eyes as the ceremonies begin.

            Though every person here is different they don’t mind. They have all gathered for one purpose, one reason, to honor the dead, the lost, the missing. Orphans stand beside their parents graves, weeping as their new family’s stand above them. Widows and widowers gather near. All are silent except for the few that cry. Some scream from the pain or the memories that still haunt their nightmares. No one here is with out them, the nightmares that is. All of those gathered in the graveyard have experienced them. All of them remember the way the wave crashed into them. How it choked them made their bodies feel like fire. They all know what it feels like to be alone. Trapped, stranded. Rescued by strangers but never loved ones.

            The sky opens up and the rain falls around them as the very earth seems to morn the great loss. So many lives were ruined that December two years ago. So many lives were stolen. 169,752 pulse dead. 127,294 and more missing. 
            
             No matter what they do they will never be able to change those facts so tighter they gather and together they morn on a wet December afternoon.

Girl in the Field

He sees her sitting there in the field. Flowers and tall grass surround her, yet she looks sad so he stops and he stares. He knows her but doubts she knows him. She doesn’t notice him at the moment so he uses this time to inspect her face. She is sad and thoughtful. Her brows knit together as she sits and thinks. She holds her knees close to her chest and he notices the soft shaking of her shoulders in a silent cry.

He can’t help but wonder what is wrong. She was what you could call popular. Her features were perfect: long blond hair that she often wore in a hat, a slim figure, and a soft face. She was the captain of the cheer team and the mathletes. She played basketball and wrote for the school newspaper. She stared in the school play but hated talking in front of class. He knew that she had had many boyfriends and suitors.

Her friends were numerous but the ones that she held close could be counted on one hand. Her family was small, a younger sister, and her parents. Her father was a lawyer and her mom a chef. At least that is what his friend had told him. Unlike the majority of the friends he had, he wasn’t popular. But she was, so he couldn’t help wonder what was wrong.

He couldn’t ask her though because he was the shy one, the nerd, the boy no one noticed with a broken family and lost sibling. He turned to walk away from her and she turned, hearing him. Surprised she stared at him. When they made eye contact, her face softened and she smiled. Her puffy cheeks and red eyes were evidence of her crying but her smile was a real smile.

And in that moment he noticed her, the real her. He could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew that as well. He could also see something else, a soft glow, a joy and mixture of sadness that stated to him that she saw him, really saw him. Then suddenly he knew what was wrong and he miss understood her. He smiled back and turned away, understanding everything now. Even someone whose life seems perfect knows pain. The sound of his soft shoes crunching the autumn leaves faded into the distance. Her eyes never left his back.

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